Relationship anxiety refers to those feelings of worry, insecurity, and doubt that can pop up in a relationship, even if everything is going relatively well.
You’re in a relationship with a great person who you love. You’ve developed trust, established boundaries, and learned each other’s communication styles.
At the same time, you might find yourself constantly questioning yourself, your partner, and the relationship.
Will things last? How do you know if this person is really the right one for you? What if they’re hiding some dark secret?
What if you’re just incapable of maintaining a healthy, committed relationship?
This constant worrying has a name: relationship anxiety.
Is it normal?
Yep. “Relationship anxiety is extremely common,” says Astrid Robertson, a psychotherapist who helps couples with relationship issues.
Some people experience relationship anxiety during the start of a relationship, before they know their partner has an equal interest in them. Or, they might be unsure if they even want a relationship.
But these feelings can also come up in committed, long-term relationships.
Over time, relationship anxiety can lead to:
Your anxiety may not result from anything in the relationship itself. But it can eventually lead to behaviors that do create issues and distress for you and your partner.
What are some signs of relationship anxiety?
Relationship anxiety can show up in different ways.
Most people feel a little insecure about their relationship at some point, especially in the early stages of dating and forming a commitment. This isn’t unusual, so you generally don’t need to feel concerned about passing doubts or fears, especially if they don’t affect you too much.
But these anxious thoughts sometimes grow and creep into your daily life.
Here’s a look at some potential signs of relationship anxiety:
Wondering if you matter to your partner
“The most common expression of relationship anxiety relates to underlying questions of ‘Do I matter?’ or ‘Are you there for me?’” Robertson explains. “This speaks to a fundamental need to connect, belong, and feel secure in a partnership.”